A Pain In The Side

Three and a half years ago I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in my right hip. It basically shattered my world. But I was glad I finally had answers and could start treatment. I was sick of living in constant unbearable pain.

One of the first drugs that actually worked just so happened to be a steroid based drug. So while I was living pain free I was bloody miserable and gaining weight like crazy! I hated it but I wanted to be pain free. Over the years I've been on and off the steroids a few times and my weight has been up and down like crazy.  

 For the past 5 months life has been good for me. I have found an amazing Physio in town, I've been able to stop taking the steroid medication, I've been exercising and walking and losing all the horrible steroid weight.  

Health wise life has been bliss! 

Friday I woke up to my alarm beeping and rolled over to grumpily get out of bed. Nothing different there. 

But as soon as I put weight on my feet to stand up a horribly familiar pain shot through my hip. The stupid painful arthritis had reared its ugly head again. 

8am Friday I was on the phone begging to see the physio. Earliest appointment is 2.5 weeks away :-( 

Now it's Wednesday and the pain is worse. I'm not sleeping and walking is painful. Carrying Isla around makes it all worse too. 

To say I'm upset is an understatement. I was doing so well this time. It's the longest I've gone without pain. It's the most I've been able to be active for the last 3 years. I've enjoyed so much being able to run around with my kids and play tennis with them. Go for morning walks with Isla in the pram. I've been doing all my stretches and exercises from the physio everyday. I've been working so hard to stay healthy and pain free.

The weight I gained from the steroids made me horribly depressed and self conscious and now that most of that weight is gone I've been feeling amazing. I feel like I'm getting my body back. 

And now to wake up one day and be in this much pain again is devastating. 

Yes I know there are worse things in life than arthritis. I know I should be thankful and grateful that although I'm in pain I'm otherwise healthy. 

But for today, right now, I'm upset and feeling so down and I'm scared. 

Scared of having to take steroids again, scared of upsetting the kids because I can't run around with them like I have been, scared of putting more pressure on my husband because some of the housework is near impossible to do while I'm in this much pain. 

But most of all I'm just pissed off. 

Why me?